0. Sequence of Events

It all started long ago
In a dark
dreary place
I remember being there
Before I was able to leave
Into the world
Training
You had to be the fastest one
Outswim all the others
It took everything you had
Pushing yourself to the limit
For if you didn't make it there
You would face a certain death
The cosmic egg
That was the destination

2018-2019

I had become a huge fan of Leo Gura over at Actualized.Org, whom at this time was quite popular on YouTube for his incredible philosophy videos. He was hardcore, diving headfirst into the deepest truths you could think of, blasting himself with a bunch of psychedelics to see firsthand. No matter how hard I tried, I just couldn't find a business idea or career path that actually interested me. I was somewhat lost and confused, like everyone at this age - but I knew that I wanted to make a bunch of money and be independent. The only problem was, I had no idea how to actually go about doing that in a way that which going to be enjoyable, without selling myself out to be some goofball like Jake Paul, or doing unethical marketing to people that didn't really need the thing I was trying to sell. I purchased Leo's Life Purpose course and spent a large amount of time absorbing it - doing all the exercises and really taking it seriously. This period of my life was crucially important - the decisions I make, the path I choose, this is what will make or break my fulfillment. I began to join him in the deeper philosophical dives, smoking DMT on a regular basis. I emulated his methodology for attaining wisdom, studying spiritual ideas, meditating all the time, and then getting really high on psychedelics to go get firsthand experience with the topics. As I was getting an AA at the local community college, I would come home from my Intro to Philosophy class and light up some good ol' tire-tasting Dimethyltryptamine powder for extra credit. This was done from a crackpipe that I got at a local gas station, in the bedroom at my mothers house(not to flex or anything). Becoming a professional DMT smoker(or so I thought), it was really not even that profound or wild for me anymore. In the same way someone would get off work and smoke a cigarette, I could come home and try to blast off. It was as though I was actually coming close to the level of my professor(in only certain select niche ways), whom I saw was stuck in all these quandaries, logical proofs, and what if's. Couldn't we go and figure these things out ourselves? I guess I was ready to live life more like a mystic. I started to..... just.... tap into the truth from time to time. I had some built mastery over certain parts of the mind, and there were not many other people that I would meet and felt were at similar levels of (self-perceived) spiritual consciousness which I had attained. Let me clear though, I certainly had many, many, many, let me say it one more time, many holes in the overall puzzle. All character points allocated into this particular skill tree at the expense of others, I'm not sure you could even recommend the build. This was very confusing as a kid, and a bit scary, but also fed into my ego to continue going deeper. I ended up meeting someone in my Art Appreciation class, the hour right after philosophy, that was 17-18 years old - making somewhere between $6,000-10,000 a month. He told me all about how he did it, a course that he went through by this guy from New Zealand, Sam Ovens. He sent me a torrent of the Consulting Accelerator program. Totally being humbled going through the first few modules, it was clear that I wasn't nearly as advanced as I thought. There was a concept being talked about called the "failure outfit," and I had every piece of clothing equipped. This individual, named Andrew, was making a killing doing social media marketing for chiropractors. I had to step way down from thinking I was the spiritual evolution of man incarnate and learn how he had accomplished what I set out to do, but made absolutely zero progress towards. The torrent he sent me ended up not working, but I saved my money and purchased it legitimately after acquiring a position at the Krusty Krab a year or so later. I honestly had a hard time keeping up with the heights of my consciousness explorations, and then grounding them down into the reality of the real world. Applying it all to my entrepreneurial dreams and business ideas seemed impossible. It was hard. So hard, in-fact, that I found it easier to just keep doing a bunch of DMT instead, feeling like I was maybe being productive in some way, all touching the heavens and whatnot, we're going to eventually be transformed by the alien gods and it will all be clear. In one of these modules, Sam Ovens talked about how when you know you have to do some sort of thing for your business, your brain will trick you. Oh, now I have to go and clean the garage which I've avoided for an entire year, and re-arrange the entirety of my closet, and also, meticulously organize all this other stuff... For myself, that was what my DMT, we could probably call it an addiction, became. OH, now I have to go learn to communicate with interdimensional species to evolve my understanding of reality before I try and do anything. During this period, my brother and I were taking a karate class together that his friend ran, a perhaps 6-7 time black-belt by now. The warrior I am, made it all the way up to the prestigious yellow belt. Of course, we all must climb the corporate ladder, and I had my hands on a white-belt, where all mere novices begin, as-well. I was reading Mastery by George Leonard at the time, one of the most important books on Leo Gura's booklist, something I just so happened to have already purchased at Goodwill in the month or two prior. Embrace the white belt, Leonard says, the beginners mindset. On one of my DMT trips, I decided the ultimate way to go in would be with my literal white belt on, admitting foolishness. I specifically remember that night, there was some sort of being/presence that was getting my mind to focus on this Sam Ovens character, telling me that he was smart and I should study and listen to him more. It was quite bizarre, a celestial co-sign. It was genuinely kind of weird and I took it to heart, watching the philosophy modules like 10 times over. That course is where I was first introduced to anything related to alchemy.

This is me in the gardens going all crazy
| | |
vvv

( bonus part of the recent 100m book launch )

(Damn it I was late.)

Wait a second... did I help to consult the consultants that consulted me?
Ehhhh, maybe. Maybe not. Could have started a conversation or something.
Potentially I just tapped in to what was already going through their entrepreneurial exchanges.
Were the DMT lords trying to lead me to Skool?
Probably.
I had to have been one of the first thousand or few thousand members.
Now it's massive.
At the end of the day,
Let's be honest, these are smart guys.
It is incredibly likely this was already in discussions and
they had this on the drawing board.
Perhaps all I did was pull a That's So Raven
but,
it's clear..
Great minds think alike.

12-1-21

As a close follower of Andrew Kirby, I remember when he helped Alex Hormozi in the early days of YouTube. At around 10k subs I was watching every video late at night taking notes. It was me, the laptop, and 3am, as I watch Spartacus present some of the easiest to digest and understand business advice (even though I didn't have one) I had come across, all for free(and I studied a lot of different big names to avoid doing the work). The Krusty Krab was actually a bit of an entrepreneurial hotspot. Mr. Krabs/Julius Caesar was quite the sandwich salesman, let me tell you, and he chose this location with precise intention. Placed right in the industrial area, an untapped market(besides the Zips next door), I was given an education probably better than college. Able to serve business owners of all kinds during their lunch breaks/business meetings, I had the opportunity to absorb some things when I would actually pay attention and get out of my own head. Essentially, don't waste anyone's time(especially your own), pour as much effort/value as you can into every detail possible(without being too overbearing), and create an experience for the customer that gets them coming back(we put morphine in the mustard). There were these super-millionaire guys, that loved the place, and they were hilarious. Their nephew/grandson had no game though, the only downside to generational wealth(not that 007 is speaking). He was routinely trying to make moves on one of Mr. Krabs daughters, inviting her out to their boat and whatnot, unable to secure the deal(but he did have initiative). Now, in the industrial area of the city, it was a bit grimy. Right next to us was a motel that served as a revolving door for the ladies of the night, and someone shot a cop there one time which made business light one day as-well. I'll never forget that tall, slender, Ebonic woman, who's name was, even on her credit card, Tangerine. Lots of drug addicts roaming these parts. Had to watch with who was using the bathroom, and check the little alley on the side of the building when morning came around. Oooh, leftover needles(score). When I first had this epiphany of... thinking we were all Christ creatures(a few months further in the sequence after Thich Nhat Hanh), there was a particular moment that was interesting. This woman had come in with her daughter. It was kinda disturbing - you could tell there was some major darkness going on here. This woman was likely (addicted to drugs and) pimping out her own descendant at that motel next door. Patrick remarked on this and made a comment about it that confirmed my own intuition. I was still very new to the potential Jesus thing(didn't tell a single soul and started to LARP it from time to time underneath the surface), but I wanted to help(and field test this new idea). I brought the two some free cookies before they left and just tried to send as much healing energy and love as I possibly could, almost telepathically saying, I know your life is absolutely in probably one of the darkest corners of existence right now, but hey, it's okay(in my head trying to banish demons). I could tell that they could tell that I could tell that their situation was as it was. There was no judgement or condemnation coming from my part, just an understanding and a holding of space(also probably a part of myself getting off on trying to be a healing savior perhaps). The next day they came in 3-4 times while we were open, and I was scared shitless. What the hell. Did that actually work? Was there some sort of telepathy going on? I'm sorry but I can't deliver you from evil just yet, I was barely able to provide that little moment of safety yesterday, I'm not ready for this (into the dish room I hide)....

Andrew Kirby was another one of the people I studied quite extensively at the time. I had been a long time fan, watching him all the way since late High-school. I procrastinated by watching his videos on how to stop procrastinating. This was a step in the right direction.

Next thing you know, he is teaching Mr. Beast, of all people, how to go viral(and getting paid quite a bunch of money to do so, I believe upwards of $100,000). I'm out here looking into the void at the end of the week questioning my existence for less than a quarter of that in a single year(and I had an awesome job). What is this financial wizardry...

Andrew also talked about Naval Ravikant all the time, even going so far as to put his mind into a free downloadable "second-brain." I had been introduced to the man through a video Elisha Long shared in his group long before, and then when I saw Kirby talking about him as-well, I knew that I had to go all in on studying this persons mind. Downloading that was my first introduction to the program Obsidian, which this website is running off of. A "Digital Garden" is what they call it. Naval Ravikant is a pretty smart billionaire, someone who knows how to aim investments quite intelligently.

! 747
(This was at 147 likes and then I went upstairs for a bit to come back to this a few hours later, this is some sort of spiritual science, it has to be, perfect clockwork, just minutes later it is already at 450)

By studying Naval and going through his booklist it led me to a few life changing volumes.

You can tell Hormozi has read this one as-well, the way he makes references in videos. Kirby discussed this a lot as-well in his group. Going through it caused a very profound change in the way I approached situations. Found a physical copy in a bookstore and gifted it to Aristotle from EVERYTHING'S A ROUGH DRAFT to try and impress him with something he'd never heard of.

As-well, I discovered what would be an extremely life changing author through my Amazon recommendations. Just randomly popped up and I had the strange desire to follow it. Turned out that Naval was an enormous fan and heils this as one of his favorite philosophers. This got me going even deeper.

LSD and Krishnamurti - that was the combo. I spent so much time studying and trying my best to absorb his teachings. It was like heaven on Earth for a bit when you were able to have something he was talking about really click. What allowed me to see a whole entire new world of spirituality, which I am just barely remembering as I type this. Moments of no thought, and so many prepared ways to untangle any thought that begins to arise before it can even surface. Would do this for prolonged periods of time, and it would get more blissful as you kept going, and the minds tricks would get trickier, but your intelligence and awareness of it all would as-well, it became a game. Started to think he was almost like some sort of alien. Sri M, from 3. Babaji actually studied Krishnamurti when he was younger as-well, and got to meet him later on in life. To pull from "Apprenticed To a Himalayan Master."

"At that exact moment, three hardbound books landed on my neck from the top shelf. After massaging my neck with my hands to get rid of the pain, I picked up the books. One was The Perennial Philosophy by Aldous Huxley, and the other two, were volumes of The Commentaries on Living by J. Krishnamurti. That was my introduction to Krishnamurti, and I must say that, although I do not totally agree with Krishnamurti regarding various issues, ‘The Commentaries on Living’ was certainly useful in resolving many a Vedantic conundrum. However, I cannot explain how the books fell, for other than me, there was nobody near that particular bookshelf."

He goes on to claim

"Commentaries on Living, is my all time favorite. Every time I read it, I find something new."

There was a certain part that struck me towards the end of my time going through the book. An absolute bombshell that dropped at the very final tail end of Chapter 46 leading into the next beautiful section.

"I cannot resist the temptation of revealing that Krishnamurti himself is on record, saying that no one knew what tremendous energies had been working through his body."

I was so affected Jiddu that I wrote this entire biography about him a year or two ago

Jiddu Krishnamurti was a renowned philosopher and spiritual teacher who challenged the conventional views of religion, authority, and identity. He was famous for refuting the need for a teacher and claimed “people use the guru as a crutch." Born around 1896, he was one of 6 children that survived of 11 total. His mother died when he was 10. Growing up in Kadapa India, he faced repeated bouts of malaria as a child and was termed "vague and dreamy." Often he was mistaken to be intellectually disabled and was regularly beaten at school by his teachers, and at home by his father. When he was 14, Jiddu and his family moved into a small cottage that was located just outside the the Theosophical Society's headquarters in Adyar, India. His father was a long time theosophist and had secured work within the society as a clerk. It was here that Krishnamurti was spotted by C.W. Leadbeater, a prominent member of the establishment and self-proclaimed clairvoyant. While observing him on the Society's beach alongside the Adyar river, Leadbeater remarked that Krishnamurti "had the most wonderful aura he had ever seen, without a particle of selfishness in it." Leadbeater took Jiddu under his care, convinced that he would become a great spiritual teacher and orator; the likely "vehicle for the Lord Maitreya," the next Buddha/incarnative Avatar. A few years later in 1911, The Theosophical Society formed a special organization under the name "Order of the Star in the East" to prepare the world for the appearance of this new World Teacher. Krishnamurti was educated and groomed to be the one that would guide humanity into a new era of enlightenment. He was put on a pedestal as a man of tremendous importance and worshipped by theosophical members. In 1929, he shocked everyone by dissolving the Order of the Star in the East and renouncing his role as the World Teacher, giving up an enormous amount of wealth, including a large castle in Holland (today’s value would be in the hundreds of millions of dollars). Jiddu declared that he had no allegiance to any organization, religion, or ideology, and that truth could not be found through any authority or system. He also said that each person has to find their own truth through self-inquiry and direct perception of reality. Krishnamurti then criticized the Theosophical Society for its dogmatism, superstition, and dependence on external sources of wisdom. He made it evident that he wanted to set people free from all bondage and conditioning, not create a new religion or cult around himself. In my personal opinion, not only is this remarkably badass, but it is the behavior that you would expect to come from someone who actually was a "world teacher." I was left afterwards wondering if Krishnamurti (which translates to "in the form (or image) of Krishna") really was all that the theosophical society believed him to be...

One of the first people that I learned stoic stuff from...

! 600

4-10-2021
I purchase this on Audible - it includes The Kybalion, Corpus Hermeticum, The Divine Pymander of Hermes, and The Life and Teachings of Thoth Hermes Trismegistus

Now that I'm a little more educated on the subject, I know that not all of these are necessarily actual Hermetic texts. The Corpus Hermticum was the only true piece from the tradition, however The Kybalion and The Life and Teachings of Thoth Hermes Trismegistus I was really into. The Kybalion is technically not OG Hermeticism. It all served as a jumpstart for me to go further into the field, and I was one of the first purchasers of this release

I was initially exposed to the Kybalion through a YouTube video that was uploaded by Owen Cook, someone I had watched for a few years. He referred to it briefly, claiming that the Hollywood elite, mega wealthy illuminati type folk (whom he had met and been exposed to networking amongst the nightmare of L.A.), were all super into it.

Of course, as a somewhat conspiracy minded individual, my curiosity was peaked.
We have the in on their operating system...

After clicking the play button, I was hooked, instantly. What it talked about aligned with a lot of other different things I had studied and been into for years. I was cautious going in because it seemed a bit intense - like something a secret society would be into... but that was also what made it exciting to work through. It felt like I had stumbled upon some hidden knowledge, able to instantly see what it is that the book was talking about. The way it was all propositioned made my secret cult-like ego feel like most other people wouldn't be able to comprehend or see the principles that it was pointing towards(I'm different, yeah I'm different -2Chainz), which inclined me to pay even more attention and added an esoteric initiatory element. Because of the premise that Hermeticism could be what other religions had been based on, the sort of root 'prima matera,' I felt as though I had been hooked up to this immense well of knowledge. My mind continued to be blown; I was having all sorts of epiphanies, as though every time I clicked play I was tapping into a repository of forgotten information. Many of the questions I had towards life, I was developing the capacity to formulate answers to. All of a sudden every one of my past experiences began to make sense. I could analyze life through this new lens, which seemed to always be correct, even predicting future events. In the silent moments of my day, I questioned the idea if it was random or by accident that I had discovered Hermes/Thoth. I had this very intense inner feeling of "ahhh yes, we've landed," as though I had finally made it to some island I was wading through foggy seas in search of. Seeking seeking seeking seeking seeking and then boom. I had found what I needed, the perfect fit of Cinderella's shoe, as though something of a higher order had organized this.

As time goes on...

I am so affected by the words of this audiobook that I begin to believe that I either am Hermes Trismegistus, reincarnated to return the world to the source philosophy of Hermeticism, or I am being directly guided by this Hermes Thoth Trismegistus character. A sort of, "I see you bro, I fuckwitchu, lets link ... perhaps build." Wild thoughts were prancing through my cranium. Was I destined to help bring this forgotten topic back up into modern minds and use it to help reconnect people with the 'real truth'? Whatever intelligence I was interacting with on DMT, it felt like they/that had an internal connection to me from our adventures and had subtly brought me here. I had acquired some sort of etheric heat seeking missile compass. It's either that, or something else is beginning to brew that I can't yet understand(like drug induced psychosis), but there definitely seems to be something beyond what science could explain occurring. Due to the grandiose nature of the situation, I even consider that I have finally discovered first-hand what 'demons' are. This was the force that may be trying to convince me of all these things, so that I may not enter into a full, real, ego death. Instead, the boy was cursed with this weird super complex to change the world that leaves what could be an enlightenment - fractured. This potential actually excites me because I would be able to convey to the world what demons actually are, technically, theoretically, actually perhaps changing the world. It was a strange paradox. Once I finally caught onto the subtle little sneaky psychic bugs, I could begin analyzing what was occurring first hand like a scientist, even though I had to essentially break my psyche down and use my own life as the experiment. I don't remember signing up for this, but I can sorta see the bigger picture. Thoth, you little hound-dog. When life gives you demons, make exorcism lemonade. I also consider that I'm going completely crazy. One or the other.

11-13-2021
Divine Feminine Activation
Before arriving to this event, I spent the morning reading from the book Conquest of Mind by Eknath Eswaran. I was almost done after a few years of study, and this part was comparing the mind to a lake. Here is the last bit of it so you can have more context for my experience.
"This vast treasury is within the reach of all. Sri Ramakrishna, one of the greatest mystics India has ever produced, sang ecstatically of what waits to be discovered at the seabed of consciousness
"Dive deep, O mind, dive deep
In the Ocean of God’s Beauty;
If you descend to the uttermost depths,
There you will find the gem of Love. . . "
Here is the exact part of the book which I had read the morning of the event. https://www.bmcm.org/inspiration/easwaran/learning-swim/

I felt like I had to be there for some reason. I honestly didn't really want to go to a 'divine feminine activation' as a man, but I made myself, like it was a spiritual homework assignment. I did not feel any joyous emotions anymore, it was as though the feeling part of my brain had been slowly dwindled away as I lived a 'stoic' masculine life. If I wanted to be happy, maybe I had to submit myself to learn from the ladies for a moment, to capture some of their wisdom and reinstate that connection. I was the only male in a room full of 10+ women, finding a place next to a very kind spirit that went by the name "Mama Ocean." It was quite uncomfortable at first, but I began to get settled as they accepted me and made me feel welcome, learning some valuable things. The main core of what I learned, was that ultimately - the divine feminine part within us, is feeling itself. It's sort of simple, like all great truths, yet incredibly deep and hard to conceptualize fully. The material world itself is the feminine. I don't know if I've ever really had an experience like this ever since. There was some "reiki" stuff which I experienced for the first time, and then we did some activities and had a guided meditation. During this meditation, I had one of the first ever real visions of my life. Sound bowls are being played while someone guided us into a meditational trance. I was walking along the beach, holding hands with another person. This other person was another version of myself. You subconsciously spend all this time fantasizing about the perfect girl to find, when I have love I will be happy, be complete, that's what is missing... Alright Disney Channel, look - here we are walking on the beach holding hands with ourselves(isn't she cute??). No girl will ever make you any happier than you are by yourself, with your own emotions. The masculine agenda is to grind grind grind and go to war, destroying yourself, but in that process, become swag, accomplishing something to be proud of. You come back from battle for some beautiful prize at the end, to enjoy the spoils of victory, prestige and freedom, and then, everything was worth it. Idealistically, it's kinda a neat system for us to go out and do the tough stuff that needs to be done, but, we forget that some get lost on the battlefield. You won't be ready unless you feel yourself, you need to stay connected to your own femininity before you would ever be ready for anything that would actually be healthy and successful. I then let go of... my own hand... and began to wade into the water. After walking until it touched my chest, I dived in and swam to the bottom of the lake where I was met with an enormous eye.

It looked quite similar to this, but... I don't know... a little more, mechanical? There was a bit of a steampunk vibe to it. I seemed to catch the thing in an innocent moment, the surveiller was preoccupied with something else. It was as doing its thing, whatever that may be - looking into the distance. The eye eventually caught notice of my presence and was instantly astonished. If it were an anime, a little exclamation mark emote could have appeared above. It then, around 100x+ my size, locked its gaze directly onto me for a moment. You could see it squint, really zooming in, "the hell is that thing..." Seemingly shocked, as though it were impossible for me to be there - a rift in the system - the oculus quickly caught itself exposing awareness of my presence to me. It acted like nothing was happening, that I wasn't there at all.
Wait a second... who the.... Oh fuck, look away....
Doot da doo nothing to see here...
JOHN CENA
whistles uncomfortably

This event was put on by two people, one of which was Susan from 𖥱 Dedication.
I also remember shortly afterward finding some song on SoundCloud where the photo was a giant eye in the sky looking over a bunch of women in white outfits galloping across a field.

11-28-2021
Wizard Photo, Bird Backyard, Final Day
The bird with a long neck

Spent nearly all day long engaging with different "Reality Creation" techniques. I had already gotten an introduction on the subject from

Neville Goddard is one of the OG's of the 'manifesting' world, which has unfortunately turned, by many well intentioned people, into mumbo jumbo. I started to really go on an interesting path internally when the audiobook kept saying "You are Jesus Christ" over and over again. Brian Scott's story of bei

Brian Scott is actually the way that I found my way to The Ra Contact & Harvest....

Something is off with my sensor, late once again...

12-4-2021
Intention setting ceremony
Telepathically heard the word "Starseed" - something I heard maybe once or twice many years ago. I had watched a YouTube video where someone was making fun of these people who thought they were alien messengers, essentially calling them schizophrenics. I never really looked into it any further, and actually kinda agreed with the guys take. At a time where I was becoming what felt like schizophrenic myself, not sure if I was "awakening" or "completely losing my mind," having what I believe to be extraterrestrial experiences of my own, I instantly felt compassion for those people I had judged in the past (not that a lot of self-proclaimed starseeds aren't dangerously ungrounded). I went home feeling as though I had the next piece of the puzzle to follow.... a Bat Kol experience as the Kabbalists would call it.

lol 12/3/21, and almost a large straight on that sale id...

! 1000

I remember that I had just purchased this audiobook from Brian Scott. At first, I thought his name seemed a little too.... normal.... it is a cover. I thought this man might have been an alien hiding in plain sight, like a galactic witness protection program.

12-13-2021 Purchased 33 Codes.

Doing a Michael Beckwith life purpose vision meditation, I later accompanied my Father to the local OfficeMax to help him pick out some sort of a chair that could suit the new studio area he was making for himself. When we got back, I brought it downstairs and was going to set it up for him. Attempting to open the cardboard box, my finger got sliiiiiiced. Instantly blood poured and my vision became kaleidoscopic, becoming dizzy and light headed. The micro-dose of acid, wearing off by now, had all of a sudden created the most profound visuals - flooring me. I had to sit down, and instantly, was tripping really hard. I don't even remember how, but at some point shortly afterwards, I somehow found myself on https://www.greentara.guru/33-codes . I just ended up on this website after re-tripping balls doing some sort of accidental blood sacrifice - with no clue as to how I had gotten there. It was actually kind of scary, like I had been possessed for a moment or something, but I bought the book anyway, as nutty as it looked. Something weird was happening and I couldn't quite put my finger on it, but I just followed the trail. Not sure if it was transcendent guidance, or an attempt at demonic entrapment, this book my final schizo showdown, either way, I was going to have some sort of story to tell

1-28-2022
MDMA Solution to evil
Thich Nhat Hanh
I remember trying to wrap my head around the idea that everything was divine love. It didn't make sense given the horrors of our world. In hearing from the experiences of others, and in simply paying attention to life as I was living it, it just seemed like everyone was suffering. What seemed to be common was excruciating and prolonged anguish, for what seemed to be, no reason at all, except for - that's life! At the same time, I had to balance another perspective - the insights I had from a few 5-MeO DMT trips in the years prior. These experiences left me with an absolute knowing that everything was made out of Love. Literally everything. That was the ultimate "source." The polarity between these two heights of experience, the tug and pull between contradictory truths, there was just no way to make sense of it all. It seemed as though I was psychologically guided to this unique problem of evil, the reality of suffering and its proliferation, but amongst a world that is in some way objectively love. An arduously complex task, but for some reason, I felt that I could figure this thing out and solve it. It was as though the 100+ solo DMT trips I put myself through before 21 were some sort of freak navy seal training program my intuition guided me towards and was born for. Gods little soldier. You just had to turn the crack pipe the right way as you were heating up the DMT so you wouldn't burn and waste it... Having learned some metaphysical things from Frederick Dodson's books over the years, a guy who supposedly had some Pleiadean connections, I used a "magical" reality creation technique to simply visualize this specific issue as having been resolved. Stepping into the feeling state of the problem of evil in the world having already been resolved, quite literally thinking that if I felt it hard enough, it would have to come true. That is how manifestation worked, and so theoretically, it could happen. The only hard part would be believing it all the way. This should secretly be the best ROI on my energy investment if God was watching up above, I'm sure this 'devil' dude has got a bounty on its head. I used this whole idea of defeating evil to generate quite a grandiose, but deeply peaceful emotional state, and then sat there focusing on that like an anchor for prolonged meditation. I attempted to "quantum jump" to a "parallel reality/timeline" in which this issue was no longer present in our world.
What happened next as I sat on my meditation cushion, coming up on a Reddit MDMA pill, was interesting. Looking back, my soul had begun to essentially summon what would be the archetype of evil, so that I could show it love and compassion - releasing it from this world. I understood that on one level, the non-dual perspective, it was all illusory, evil. Everything stemmed from a source which was ultimately divine love. I also understood that reality has many layers and levels. This layer seemed to be plagued with something that wasn't quite aligning with that higher dimensional perspective, and so there had to be some sort of explanation. My limited conception of love wasn't working here. Somewhere, this force you could view as malevolent, it legitimately existed quantumly in the field. In this layer of reality, there certainly is what you could consider 'evil', but from higher dimensional perspectives, this evil is not evil, it just is, as everything is. Everything is God, and this God was ultimately pure love, but digesting that idea fully meant including an awareness of some of the absolutely most horrendous things going on in our world, and so, how did any of that make sense? Evil perhaps stems from that which has forgotten itself... I began to develop this idea that it was possible to navigate my way energetically to the quantum space in which this energy resided, sorta the core root source/being, what I guess is conceptualized as Satan/whatnot, and then transmute and clear the energy with a heart filled with love, directly from the truth of the higher divine reality(which overpowers the lower). Even the archetype of evil deserves love, to be seen, and to have the ability to release themselves from, what is ultimately a losing battle, filled with restlessness, and "repent," to join back into the greater truth, I guess, not that I am going to really be able to convince em. I could at-least sit there and look the thing in the eye, and even though it was wicked, I knew in the deepest part of my heart the truth, and so I could be fearless in telling it with 100% certainty that we were both ultimately love, no matter how hard it tried to forget that, or how long ago it was lost, that was the core, the real ultimate nature of things. On one hand you have a pipsqueak entering the den, free food .... but I was a trojan horse, trying to make the devil aware of the same perspective which I had come to, that it was all love, and in that moment, a psychic transference of knowledge could transmit, they would for a moment, maybe, see it too. I've come back to remind you of the truth Satan, no matter how hard you try to forget, how far you try to separate yourself... I was going to gaslight the guy, this one who thought they were the best and all cool trying to make me crazy with drugs. Even then, I still love you. If you make me lose everything, I don't care. Take my keys, my wallet, my shoes. I'm just here to share this beautiful thing I realized, to help you to remember. I love you because you are God too and I know nobody else probably lets you know that because they're too busy in misery from your behavior, but I am here to, even though I am also miserable from your behavior, just let you know, that you are still love. I love you. Love was what gave birth to evil in the first place, it's mother whom gave it the chance to exist. Love gave evil the freedom to go off the beaten path without trying to stop it, because that is what love is - allowance of one's will without control. It'll figure things out eventually for itself, gaining wisdom. Theoretically, that means all the evil this rebellious energy has been getting off on, is really love, and so.... boom. Gotcha at your own game, you have been doing nothing but spreading love in your own unique manner! He probably hates that... There is no cosmic battle between good and evil - so close that you are sitting on the edge of your seat... it's being allowed to occur. It's like two kids tusslin in the backyard while Mom and Dad watch knowing that they're just having fun. That is the higher dimensional truth, that all is just one thing and its a process of unfoldment and evolution. That doesn't change the fact that we have foul things going on here, but, even though I don't understand everything fully, the details, I can waltz up to the big bad wolf, look em right in the eye, maybe give them a kiss on the cheek, and let it become aware that, you are being allowed to do this, co-sponsored by love, the higher force, no matter what❤️🥰. That's how unconditional it is. Mr. Evil pants. Everyone takes this guy so seriously and is scared, and for good reason, they've got fangs and a pitchfork, but, if this is all an illusion in the first place, its kinda like.... yo man, what happens when we turn off the console? We're not even in the real world bro! Love is the only real world, and you've got 0xp. Actually, you may have a substantial amount of negative xp, but look, we can fresh start you back at 0 if you'd like? Genuinely, I'm not even kidding, that's how crazy this love thing really is, all that stuff, its in the past, rebelling from heaven, c'mon happens to the best of us. If you'd like to play a game that was real, this is the one, I'm telling you.... and guess what? Infinite levels! Evil? ehhhh, you kinda cap out at a certain threshold. Imagine you have this whole kingdom you rule over, and, oh-hoho, you're completely dominating it, but, its a play set mom and dad put in front of you. When are you going to grow up and stop playing with (humans)toys? Don't you see.... What if you could be even more powerful, experience even more pleasure, be even more perfect than you already are....
I began to feel the presence of another force circling around me. My meditation cushion felt like a protective cage which had been submerged into shark infested waters filled with chum. Just focus on breathing. In and out. My skin began to prickle with goosebumps as I could feel a chill enter the room. I can feel the energy of fear, shame, guilt, anger and violence all trying to work their way into my mind. Purely passionate hatred, icy cold, blood tingling, brrrrrrrrrrrrrrrp these types foul foul feelings and imagery flying through my mind at 100mph while I sit there just trying to breathe and focus on my original vision that everything is love. Even these emotions. Keep steady. Subtly I developed an awareness of this other being, it seemed to be the defender my meditation on the whole world being divine love would be met with - bringing up every single possible idea to shut me down, an energetic counterforce. What about rape, and murder, and genocide, and this, and that... It was as though the energy released from every terrible act ever committed on this planet went into a little deposit box where it all accumulated into a growing ball of darkness(with good interest rates), and I showed up to shut down the account and withdraw all funds. I quite literally felt a cold blast of rotten energy shoot at me, but sat there smiling, while I took what was akin to an etheric punch to the face. I empathized with its attempt to attack me, finding it amusing, I mean, hey, if I was the devil, and this guy came in trying to rain on my parade.... I would totally do the same thing. I made it through the entire MDMA meditation with my original intention. I sat there in the feeling state of a world which was no longer plagued by evil, and that it knew itself as divine love. Every single objection to this idea as I went through my meditation was met with a rewiring to the idea that all was love. It was done.
I came down from the MDMA feeling somewhat tired and drained, but also with this huge energy unlock, with a humm underneath.
I look at my phone and there was a notification for a YouTube livestream.
Thich Nhat Hanh had just recently died and his memorial service taking place
I had watched his lectures extensively over the last year, especially during Co-Vid.
It felt like I could pick up and feel his energy, even over video.
How interesting, the timing.
I even got the idea that his soul
had helped with this process that just occurred,
or perhaps lent me some energy
which assisted in the process
my life had aligned this
with his life which had ended
and the last while I had secretly been training for this tag team WWE superstar smackdown event with an honorary guest from Vietnam
Noooo, that's crazy.
This was all just an insane way for my brain to create a symbolic journey to get me integrating my own shadow. Yeah, you know what, worst case scenario, I was geeking out so hard that we simulated some sort of really epic metaphorical personal journey to discover and look at all the worst parts of myself.
Within 24 hours I find myself arriving at the information which would help me to understand, what was supposedly, no longer, the problem of evil. Consuming my studies for the next two years, I was given a masterclass on the subject by Paul Levy through his Wetiko books.
There is a kabbalist idea where the souls of great Rabbis help other guys out with stuff. I think that's what happened.

1-9-22

I realized I could get this for free elsewhere and scavenged my credit to get something otherwise inaccessible

2-06-2022
One morning before work I bought and started the audiobook Levels of Heaven and Hell by Frederick Dodson, listening to it on the way there. Within 5 minutes of my arrival, I began to hear screaming and things being thrown around. I was very excited to jump into this new release from my favorite secret author, his other books completely blew my mind. Supposedly a man that learned some things from the "Pleiadeans" as he was growing up, little blue men that would show up in his room at night, the subjects he discusses are really quite profound. I couldn't tell you whether or not his extraterrestrial claims were true or not, in fact, I would sometimes cringe and consider dropping my studies whenever he would mention it, but the rest of the content was amazing. It felt oddly timely, the subject matter, with my own personal philosophical inquiries into the nature of reality. In fact, right on theme. I was beginning to think that we were literally in some sort of layer of hell, or at least very close. You might think the obvious thing, oh here's this troubled boy projecting his internal world onto a perception of his environment, painting it dreary, but no, this is a deep intellectual analysis into the fundamental structure of the reality which we are currently situated within, a search for absolute truth, apart from what feels good, or is comfortable. That's what this world was, and then boom, new release from ol' Freddy boy. This weird level of alignment added to the extraterrestrial undercurrents we were already wading through - my own inner dialogue getting a book to divulge further into, as though the idea had been planted there. It turns out that on this day my co-worker received a call that his ex-girlfriend had been found passed away in the forest. All I heard was "FUCK," and "SHE'S DEAD", amongst a few other slurs and the smashing of various cardboard boxes towards the break room. Soon we were all huddled around hugging him as he began to break down and cry. I remember when I had first started working there a few years ago he would talk about her, his ex, all the time. Next thing you know, there would be a furniture store truck driving by that shared the same name - it was following him. In just the last few months this woman had been released from prison in another state and floated her way back up to ours. They had started up a brief relationship again before things had became toxic once more and were ended. He really cared about her, but it just wasn't working out. A month or two later, we were brought to this moment... It was really hard to see him so sad. Also the police investigating him when you know its grievances in the air. A tough cookie if I have ever met one, like a secret alternative version of David Goggins, but instead of running, it was smoking Marb reds.
When I visited the place a year or so later after leaving to garden, he showed me a photo from his daughter's wedding that he took. It was of his granddaughters. The soft spot he had for them was hilarious. One of them was not looking forward but had her eyes rolled to the left, little girl being all adorable and whatnot, but strangely, she was looking directly where a giant rainbow streak had made its way into the frame. He claimed it was her, the one who died, and she could kinda detect it, hence the little glance that way.
https://www.krem.com/article/news/crime/spokane-county-homicide-casino-cash-out-ticket/293-11f2e41d-e355-485c-b7d8-9ae4b314797c

2-9-2022 UFO
On the phone with my Grandmother. She was informing me that my great uncle had passed away. I had talked to her since driving from the other side of the city, having started while it was still light out. The whole time it felt so weird - like there were a bunch of planes in the sky. I mean, it seemed like there were 20+ planes in the air as I was crossing town. It felt like I was almost in some other weird alternate world, like a filter had been taken off of my vision or something and I could see sky-traffic that was previously invisible. I just played it off to the nearby airfield, it being a busy traffic day. Having just experienced quite a profoundly intense last few weeks, and also a lot of really phenomenally strange spiritual stuff - being so deeply activated by The Book of Enoch - I don't know, maybe some sort of UFO thing was bound to happen as a result. But how, wouldn't other people see? I thought maybe they could disguise themselves as planes and then reveal their presence just briefly to me - just a little hey. No that's dumb, what are we in some sci-fi movie? After arriving at my destination, I sat in the car and continued to chat with my Grandma. The man that died was the brother of my Grandfather whom she was married to for over 60 years, and had passed in 2019. His death marked the end of their generation of the family. I had no real memories of his brother, maybe meeting him once or twice in my childhood. By this point we had been talking for over an hour. My eyes drifted upward and began to watch a plane that seemed peculiar pass by. Slowly I watched as it crossed over the Hospital which sat at the end of the block, lost over a horizon of trees. It seemed oddly closer than others, to move slow and... was almost a little glossy. Weird. Grandma kept talking as I slowly watched that same aerial vehicle begin to come back out of the horizon of trees it had just left my vision into, seemingly reversing the path it had just taken. Coming back directly across my view. It felt as though I was tripping on some sort of drug as I attempted to look at what was, for a few moments, revealed to me. It was like staring directly at the sun. A telepathic - hey buddy, we're real pal, what's up dude - my previously absurd "sci-fi" idea was now in my face. For a moment my jaw dropped, my brain simply couldn't even comprehend what it was that I was really looking at it. Trying to play back the memory I don't even remember what it really looked like, but my biological response was incredibly overwhelming. I struggled to break myself from the shock and awe to take a picture. As soon as it was no longer directly Infront of my windshield, it had just become just another plane floating through the sky. I would have probably lost it if I were to not have been on the phone with galactic intermediary Margaret.
Sorry, what were you saying?? I missed that last part...could you uhh repeat that?

2-10-2022

2-15-2022
Rainbow Heart - Quite literally exactly what happened, supposedly, to the author of the 33 Code book I had just purchased and was reading/meditating on daily. I did 1 page at a time, sitting with it for 5-10 minutes in both the morning and night trying to absorb the energy of it as some sort of 'code unlock' from Metatron.

3-20-2022
Babaji book during thrift journey

Mid-march Acne Explosion

I had gone over to my cousins apartment to hang out with her, some friends, and watch a movie. I showed up a little late, and got there while the movie was already in progress. I recognized the selection, having watched it on Halloween with my mother when it first came out. I sat down and got myself settled, and as soon as I did, watched as the words Wendigo flashed across the screen.

Instantly adrenaline starts to kick in - and I'm activated - scared a little. The Wetiko thing just won't stop. It already felt as though I had ghosts of some sort following me around, terrorizing me. The closest analogy I could come up with, would be that of the Smith Agents in the Matrix series. The Smith Agents were able to, it seemed, track down, and make hits towards my consciousness, through entering into the minds of those around me(unless they were developed enough.) I don't know if this is really a deep understanding of the subtle nature of things, or total self obsessed paranoia, but sometimes it felt like others were channeling specific personalized evil towards me, unknowingly, as their natural flow of words would reference certain things already within my mind. Archonic channeling. Sorta like how the same demon possesses different people throughout The Popes Exorcist. I do want to highlight the possibility of my own behavior perhaps doing the same and creating this dynamic, as the Wetiko thing is almost always a two way street in relationships. I remember there were times where I was so high up in energy that I am just trying to say hi or be nice or something and somehow my behavior elicited some sort of offended result. Right afterwards, having sat down for Scary Stories To Tell In The Dark, a scene begins in which a girl has an enormous cyst on the side of her face, which spiders begin to crawl out of. Having forgot this part of the film, my fear continues to amplify. This is what my face looked like.

! 447

4-30-2022

Ecstasis

5-12-2022 Its a cloud but also a triangle

7-19-2022 - When this all went down birds started to get weird.

I have this on my phone from either 2018 or earlier.

10-14-22
It was the first day of kundalini training. I had just finished putting in some garden work on the other side of town, a place that was about a 20 minute drive from my house. I head home from there, take a shower, get ready, and then hop in my car to head out to our orientation. The very beginning moment of what was going to be a very wild few months of kunda-raziness. After the forward rotational motion of a key which ignited a Mazda motor, I looked down and see the odometer had aligned perfectly to 188,888. From the hour or so + I had already driven that day, to all the miles of the week prior, as-well as the 6 years before that - the gears of the numerical clock somehow set things up with exact precision. I am a pretty disorganized individual when it comes to time and was likely a little scrambly getting out the door. I remember it was getting close(the odometer), but I had forgotten to check for a while and thought oh shit I probably missed it. It looks like I actually took this photo in the middle of the street, beginning to head out and then catching it last second. It is not until someone experiences things like this - especially on a repeated basis - that I could honestly expect them to believe in magic. It is especially weird when it seems to be your natural intuition which isn't influenced by anything that these things end up coming through. This is the car I have driven since I was 16 years old, the same old Mazda Protege that got me through high school, the one that I actually crash and total in the 𖥱 Dedication. My little goat for AZZ, I'm so sad I had to say goodbye to you.

I was calculating the distance from my house to that house I used to work at, a place I haven't been in years and found this lol

12-15-2022 (during the training)
Just a young man who isn't sure if he is some sort of Jesus figure being summoned from his slumber or has given himself drug induced psychosis getting gas here, nothing to see really, aaaand alright there we go time to start smoking cigarettes and pace the garage again.

12-30-22

06-29-24
I took some lsd for the first time in a long while. At one point I went into my backyard and was greeted by this sighting. It seems that this was taken at 1:44 AM...

![[acidcross2.JPEG]]

2-25-25 ...
Found late at night. I was pretty sure the Aleister Crowley guy was a troubled weirdo, and that this was probably some stuff I didn't want to dip my toes into, but, I mean, it's all Egyptian and there's interesting numbers and stuff so maybe I'll give it a listen...